135. Fool of Myself

There were a lot of people at the German book event. You’d think by now I’d be quite prepared. After an introduction by the store owner and some clapping from fans, I approached the podium and smiled shyly at all the expectant faces. Thank you if you came to this event, and I apologize for being such a dunce.

I stammered my way through a hello. I guess I had a lot on my mind like aliens and redheads and my faltering relationship with Lenore because of my preoccupation with these things. I’m not even sure how many people in the audience knew English, so I suppose it didn’t matter.

I picked up my book and began to read the third chapter. One sentence later, I realized that I had just read from an erotic passage I didn’t remember writing. I stopped and stared at the page, listening to my audience shift uncomfortably. My face tinged red. This wasn’t what I had planned to read, was it? I flipped the book around and looked at the front cover. It was my personal copy, so I knew it wasn’t some strange German release that involved…well, if you were there, you know what parts of the body it involved.

Then I looked up and saw Burbank smirking in an aisle seat. I glared at him and he lost his composure. I tore the sleeve off the book to reveal some hardcover smutty romance Burbank had replaced my book with. “Burbank!” I shouted, and everyone turned to look at him, entranced by his internet fame. Burbank pulled a jacketless book out of his bag and passed it forward. I was beginning to sweat like crazy and took a gulp of my water, which I sprayed all over the first row, surprised to find my mouth filled with vodka.