37. Tate Modern

We went to both the British Museum and the Tate Modern museum because Burbank wanted to make another generous donation. While we were at the Tate, we surveyed their collection of art. I don’t really get modern art, like most Americans, I guess. I have so much to learn! I kept saying stupid things like “I could have done that.” But I didn’t, now, did I? It’s not about the product but what it represents. Why does expression have to be challenging? One day I will understand these things.

Burbank tried to donate his sculpture of a little man wearing clothing made out of the canvas of old trainers. The body was mostly papier-mâché and paint with a few bits of copper for teeth and hair. The museum didn’t want it, said something about selection process. They’re like me. They don’t get art. They’re just running a business. What a disgrace.

Burbank left the little shoe-clothed statue outside the front of the building and made him a little sign that said “Meeting for Tate’s rejections—All are welcome.”